Pam-maw

She is Hubs' grandmother.

She got her name from my nephew who couldn't say Naina, it came out Pam-Maw and it stuck.

We live right around the corner from her. R8 rides his bike to her house just to say hi and to see if his cousin E is home.

You see Pam-Maw lives with Hubs' Aunt D, Uncle M, and cousin E. They added on to their house several years ago when she fell and broke her hip.

I love that we live so close. We stop by when ever we want and we always go over on Sundays after Church and lunch.

She loves the boys. She lets them do just about anything they want when the go over to see her. She always has cookies or crackers and a never ending supply of Sunkist.

When Hubs and I first started dating we used to go over to her house every Wednesday night and go out to dinner. Then we would go back to her house and watch TV or play cards or just talk.

I loved hearing stories about her life. I loved hearing how Hubs and his sister were her favorites. Although she would never admit to having a favorite grand child, she did.

I would listen for hours about how she and Papa Jack barely had anything starting out. They even had asked her parents to borrow money to put down on a house.

She and Papa raised three children. And those children grew and had children of their own. And now those grandchildren have children.

As my sister in law says she is the matriarch of the family. She has so much love for all of us.

The boys and I love her an infinite amount.

I said yesterday my heart was aching and it still is today.

Saturday afternoon Pam-Maw had a stroke.

Things do not look good right now. I have received so much information about her condition the words continually swirl around in my head. Hanging there waiting to be processed.

I don't want to absorb any information. I don't want to think about what lies ahead. I also know I need to.

Right now I am being selfish. Want her here. I want my boys to continue to go to her house. To walk in and say hey Pam-Maw it's just us.

I want to call her on the phone and hear her voice. That is also something I might not hear again, her sweet voice. I am not ready for that.

My heart is full of love for her.

I am being selfish.

I want the boys to remember her. To remember how she would always come to their rescue if they were acting up at her house and Hubs and I had to get on to them. Or how she would let them give her countless rides up and down on her lift chair. How she never got tired of all the kisses and hugs the boys would lavish on her. She would just soak it up and say they were the best kisses and hugs.

While I am being selfish, I also know this is God's plan and I have to trust in him. Even her ICU nurse said God is in control.

So even thought I am turning my fears over to God. Even though I still want to be selfish, I am trusting in the Lord.

I pray he holds Pam-Maw close to his side and gives her and us the comfort and strength we need.