Kindergarten, double digits, and a few tears

So Monday night I was sitting at the dinner table filling out a Kindergarten admissions packet.

My baby, R2, will be starting Kindergarten in August. And to add to that my other baby, R1, will be turning 10 this year. Double digits.

Anyway, as I sat there I started to think about the past and how fast time has flown since the boys were born.

For R1, when I took that walk down the Kindergarten hallway, I could not believe 5 years was gone. I blinked and poof he was five.

I held it together until I got back in the car and silent tears spilled from my eyes. I knew one day we would have another child so I could take that same walk but 5 years worth of memories came flooding back.

Like when I would take him to his sitter in the morning and he would hug me good bye and tell me to have a "gwait" day. Or when we rented a moon walk for his 3rd birthday and he said this was the best day of his life! When he and I would snuggle on Saturday mornings and watch cartoons.

Now in just a few short months he will turn 10. I'm not ready for this. He is, but I'm not.

I am so proud of him. Proud of who he is and who he has become. My heart swells and feels as if it will burst out of my chest when I think of him.

I know this all part of growing up but this mama just wants to hold that child close who still wants to snuggle with me and keep him chin high forever.

OK just thought you would like to know, big tears streaming down my face.

But now it's my baby's turn. My last walk down the Kindergarten hallway. Last time to have that tiny hand in mine as we walk in to see his teacher, who is so excited to see him she can hardly contain herself.

Once again I begin to think. About a sweet baby who would lay his head on my shoulder and I would drink in his baby smell. What happened to all the bottles, diapers, and baby food? Did he ever crawl or did he just start walking? When did he grow tall enough to turn on the bathroom light with out his step stool?

And like R1, he's ready, I'm not.

OK, I'm kinda ready. I'll be honest, I'm ready for no more daycare/preschool expense.

I'm ready to have them both with Hubs at school. And this will be the only year they will both be in the same school at the same time.

As much as I want to resist, I am excited to see the boys grow. Excited to see them accomplish things they try to do. I can not wait to see what life has in store for them.

But as I sat there with my memories, I could help but feel blessed. I have such a good life. A life filled with family, love, and laughter.

And in the end that is all I have ever wanted.