Good Bye 2015, It's Been Real. Hello 2016!

Well it's the last day of the year. 2015 has come and is just a few hours of being gone. This year has truly flown by and I'm still trying to figure out where March, July, and August went. 

I blinked and just like, they are gone. 

As I look back on 2015 I realize life happened. The mundane of everyday turned into something wonderful and made me realize that life, family, and friendships are precious. 

The boys and their activities took up a lot of our time but I wouldn't trade a moment of it. R1 made the baseball team at school his Freshman year and he had a fabulous season. R2 made All-Stars for basketball and in the process he realized he like basketball but he loved baseball more. 

R2 has excelled with his new Dyslexia teacher at school. He is actually enjoyed school more and this makes me happy. And as with everything school related for him I continue to have a fight within myself making sure I've left no stone unturned when it comes to his education. 

I took some time for myself and went on a girls weekend to the beach and had a blast! In fact we had so much fun we are talking about taking trip in January. For me and another friend it will be some much needed laughter, relaxation, and fun. 

We had a small living room remodel and I busted out my DYI skills and painted the tile on the fireplace and we had cabinets with bookshelves installed. Oh and just yesterday we bought some new furniture and had it delivered. I feel like such a grown up. 

In October I hit a deer with my car. R1 and I were driving home from a meeting and the deer ran out in front of me. R1 laughed when the deer got up and ran off. He also laughed at me when I called Hubs and he didn't believe me when I told him I hit a deer.  I was glad R1 wasn't driving, he's still to much of a novice. The car was fixed and I'm thankful there wasn't more damage than there was.  

Another highlight of my year was my beloved Astros made the playoffs. It was absolutely amazing to watch them. There were many nights the four of us gathered around the tv and cheered, screamed, and high fived one another. I am thankful for the memories the passed Astros season created. 

And with the passing of my dad in November my year kind of tanked. Without Hubs and my three best girls, Beth, Christy, and Sonya, I don't think I would have made it. There are still days I feel this way but they all know me so well and one of them is always there to help me. All I can say is that some days are better than others and the bad days are pretty dark. But I also know it is part of the grieving process. I read some where not to long after daddy died about a woman who lost a parent and how she no longer cried with sadness but cried with happiness from the memories. This is my goal, at some point to remember my daddy and as the tears stream down my face I will realize happiness has replaced the sadness. 

Tonight is New Year's Eve and two of the BFF's are coming over and we are eating a ton of food, watching some football, laughing till our sides hurt, and popping fireworks. I'm looking forward to it. 

So good bye 2015 and hello 2016.  

Merry Christmas 2015

 

 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, 

Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

Just Not Feeling It

Well where do I start this post? Sure there is a lot of stuff running around in my head but it doesn't amount to much to write out here on this blog. 

I'm just not feeling it. I'm feeling more like the Grinch this year with a heart that is two sizes to small. Oh not being greedy or stingy, I'm just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year. 

I've put the tree up and decorated the mantel. I've put the wreath on the front door too. I've purchased gifts galore and wrapped till I almost ran out of wrapping paper. 

I've celebrated at church with our annual Christmas musical. I've watched my boys be shepherds and kings. I've decorated the church gym for the annual Taste of Christmas feast after the musical performance. I have served and cleaned up till I felt like I was going to drop from exhaustion. 

Oh and we've baseballed and basketballed in there too. And those of you that know me know where my happy place is...sitting right behind home plate watching the sport that I loved being played by the boys that I love.

 I'm doing what I call "faking it, till I make it". I've dressed the part and put on a smile on my face and laugh in my voice, but I don't feel it. It all feels fake and superficial to me.  

But I know why I feel this way. I miss my dad. 

No amount of Christmas cheer, music, food, basketball, and baseball is going to make me feel better at this moment. 

I know all of these feelings are very normal. I know that when the deep sadness hits that I'm supposed to sit in and let it out. I also know not to stay in that sadness and pull up my boot straps and move on. 

But right now, I just want my dad. 

 

Black Friday Extravaganza

Happy late Thanksgiving! I hope it was good. 

My best friend Beth and her daughter Alex and I started a tradition back in 2009 to go shopping on Black Friday. That first year we left my house at 5am. 5AM! We were crazy!

The only time we didn't go was last year when we were at Disney the week of Thanksgiving but other than that, we haven't missed a year. And to top it off when I say we shop, we shop. Like anywhere between eleven to thirteen hours of shopping. We usually find some really great deals and we are never rushed and just kinda go with the flow. 

So this year on Black Friday we left at 6:30AM for our annual shopping extravaganza. We started out with a quick stop for breakfast and then on to the following stores:

Academy

Target

Dillards

Macy's

American Eagle

Versona

Maurices

JC Penneys

H&M

Sears

Shoe Department

Finishline

Forever 21

Dress Barn

Shoe Carnival

I'm sure I have missed a few stores in there but you get the idea. 

And in true shopping fashion we shopped till dropped, almost eleven hours worth. My boys were slow in providing me with a list of what they wanted so I just kinda winged it. I scored a few good deals. One of the best deals of the day for me was a $40 shirt that I purchased for just $5. Beth found some great deals and just about finished her shopping. 

And of course we stopped for our traditional lunch of Tex-Mex. We hit one of our favorite places and we practically inhaled our food we were so hungry. 

I pulled into my drive way at 5:30pm and promptly got on the couch and did not move. I was worn out. But the two things that made me the most happy were I got to spend some time with my girls and I had put the Christmas tree up Thanksgiving night. 

Sometimes it's the little things that bring the greatest joy. 

Three Long Weeks

This past week I've found myself picking up the phone to call my dad. Twice I have actually hit the button on my phone with his name only to very quickly hit end call. 

My dad and I never went longer than three days with out talking. These past three weeks have been challenging. 

Just today when I was leaving work I grabbed my phone to call him and tell him I'm BACATION. It's supposed to be vacation but when my brother was little he used to say bacation and it's just stuck. Every time one of us was on vacation we would call the other and as soon as they answered the phone let them know we were on BACATION!

And now high school baseball season is almost here and several things have happened this past week that my dad would have thought funny or interesting. 

It's just been difficult. I can't believe how quickly time has gone by. It seems like yesterday I was standing in the hospital hallway. 

There are good days where I only get choked up thinking about him and then there are the other days, the ugly days, for now I'll just leave it at that. 

I read an article yesterday where an adult lost one of her parents and as time went on she realized she no longer cried with sadness but cried with happiness because the love that flowed from her parent was so great and so strong you couldn't help but feel happy. I want to feel this way. I don't want my dad's passing to be sorrowful. I want it to be just like that. That his love for me was so strong that I felt it each and every time I was with him. 

I know I will get there. I know this is a process. I know God is still carrying me through the days. I know he only lets those ugly days come when he can hold me and whisper to my soul that I am going to be OK. But right now, I just want my daddy.

The Grief Journey

Never in a million years did I ever think I would be on this journey, the grief journey. 

Oh sure you know as you get older loved ones will pass away but you never fully comprehend it. Let me explain.

I was in my early twenties when I first experienced death. It was my great grandmother and while I loved her dearly I don’t think I ever fully grieved. I was young and there was still so much of my life left to live. Then a few years later my great grandfather died and again I was still young and life went on.

 A heart attack took my grandmother way too soon for my liking.  I was 33 when she went to heaven and I remember it like it was yesterday. All I can say is I was shattered.  Shattered like I had to pull over into a nearby McDonalds parking lot and cry. The next thing I remember is my boss knocking on my car window. And death paid me another visit. This time it was seven years later and it was my husband who lost his grandmother.

Fast forward all those years to November 2, 2015. The man I thought who would live forever, one of the greatest men I have ever known in my life past away.  My sweet daddy went to heaven.

When I tell you am devastated, I mean devastated, destroyed, crushed, and everything in between. There are no words for the grief journey I am on. One minute I’m fine and life is going along just as it should and then BAM I’m in a full on ugly cry.  Oh and let me tell you, I have had a few moments deep in the ugly cry where I said a few strong words to God about him taking my father and so on.

It is in those moments when I am screaming at God that I realize I am the most comforted. I knew I had faith in the Lord but I never knew just how deep that was faith until this. God has carried me. He has loved me, held me, and cherished me. He has let me say things to him that I would never say under normal circumstances. He knew that I would never be able to withstand the constant griping pain in my heart so he has let it come to me when he knew he would be able to ease my grief.  He knew I would need him to see me through this time in my life and he has never once left my side. He has let me know each day in some small way he is right there for me to sit in his lap and just be. I am so thankful we serve a gracious God. 

So to my sweet sweet daddy, I love you and I miss you dearly.  I take comfort in knowing you are with your parents and sister again. And I look forward to the day I can wrap my arms around you and hug you forever.  

The Greatest Man I've Ever Known

My heart is broken. 

I love you my sweet daddy and I will miss you.

A Deer Mishap and Other Things

Well I think my mourning period is over. The world series has begun and my beloved Astros are not playing. And to be honest I haven't watched either game. R1 has watched and I've listened and he is cheering for the Mets and me well I'm not cheering for either team. 

Things have been kind of crazy busy around here. We've had baseball or lessons. We've had homework, all of us. Mountains of homework. And I'm half way through the semester and I'm still not feeling it. I'm dreading the Spring semester and it doesn't start for two and half more months. 

We had homecoming and all of the events prior to. Dress up days at school where I failed to take pictures of my boys each morning. However this week has been red ribbon week and I thought I would redeem myself but alas, mom fail. Until Tuesday where I remembered to take a picture of R2 dressed in orange for "orange you glad you do not do drugs" day. But Monday and Wednesday went with no picture. We will see how tomorrow goes. 

The biggest news is not the best news. I hit a deer last Monday on my way home from a school board meeting. Yep my car that was only a year and a half old does not look to good. There are several things I am thankful for. 1. R1 was not driving. I picked him up at a friends after the meeting and asked if he wanted to drive and he said he was to tired, so I drove home. 2. I only hit the deer going about 40mph so the air bags did not deploy. I was also driving the speed limit which is 65. I usually go faster than that so as soon as I saw the deer pop up from the ditch on the other side of the road and begin to move across traffic I slammed on my brakes. 3. On the two lane highway where I hit the deer there were no cars behind me and no cars coming toward me in the other lane. This is a very busy highway and for this to happen was and depending on how you look at it, it was a small or huge miracle. 4. The insurance company said since this is a no fault accident it is covered under my comprehensive coverage so the deductible is half of what the collision deductible is. And 5. I only did about $3,500 damage to my car. The bumper, grill, hood, and fenders will all need to be replaced. And the insurance adjuster said the deer's antler pierced the A/C condenser so that will be replaced as well. Ahhh the joys of living in a small town during hunting season. So hopefully by the end of this week I will have my car back. Oh and the deer, well he rolled into the ditch and then got up and ran off. I'm sure he went into the woods to die and if I would have been thinking clearly I would have called a friend to go track him for me but I was just excited that R1 and I were OK. 

So other than the amount of rainfall we received from Hurricane Patricia this past Saturday/Sunday nothing really exciting has been going. Unless you count the fact that I didn't even get deer meat after the accident. 

Peace out y'all!

Homecoming 2015

This past weekend was homecoming so the weekend was filled with a flurry of things we needed to do.

I like homecoming. I enjoying seeing all the kids dressed up. The boys always look handsome and the girls are always beautiful. 

R1 and his date were stunning! (but I'm a little partial to them) 

Here you can see for yourself. Stunning!

Thank you Astros

Thank you Astros for an amazing season! I'm sorry it's over. 

But on the bright side, it's only 173 days till opening day!

Crickets

I know I haven't blogged about the Astros loss on Monday but honestly I was so frustrated with it I had no words. 

How do you blow a 4 run lead to lose 9-6. I totally blame A J Hinch and Will Harris. Hinch should have pulled him after he gave up two hits. And Harris needs to learn how to become a better relief pitcher to keep us in the game.  

I know it seems harsh but when you are in a playoff situation and you are up and then your relief pitchers come in an blow that lead, well you can't win a game. 

This is how I felt Monday night. 

And since I am a true blue Astros fan I can say this...It's game day boys. It's do this or go home. 

LET'S GO 'STROS!

Astros Win Another

Y'all will have to excuse me, my beloved Astros are still in the play offs and I'm sure that my blog will consist of nothing but their activity. The Astros beat the Royals 4-2 yesterday and we are now up 2-1 in the series. Have I mentioned love baseball in October!

Post Season Excitement

No words are necessary

The Day Hell Froze Over

So over the past few years I've become more of football fan. It really all started when R1 began playing football in junior high school. 

My favorite NFL team is the Houston Texans. I know they are no Oilers but they are still my team. And since I cheer for the Texans you know what this means, I can not stand the Cowboys. The hatred dislike for the Dallas Cowboys really began when Hubs and I started dating. His entire life he has never liked the Cowboys and since I married him by default I do not like them either. 

So when R1 came home from school last week and said he was asking a girl to homecoming and she liked the Cowboys I knew we were in trouble. 

A big thing right now is how the boy asks the girl to homecoming or prom. The proposal is a huge deal. So with this in mind Hubs and R1 went work trying to come up with something Cowboys related. And since it was Cowboys related this meant I was going to have to step foot in the Dallas Cowboys Store and purchase a few things. So Saturday R1 and I went to the store and made a purchase. 

As I walked out the door I shuddered. I could not believe I walked in, found a few things,  and paid for that junk with my hard earned money. Hell must have frozen over. And all in the name of homecoming. 

Here is the finished product...

 

We're Going To The Post Season

We're going to the post season! 

I get to cheer for my favorite MLB team a bit longer. The locker room celebration was awesome. Poor Julia Morales was covered from head to toe. Even her Twitter post said she smelled awful. 

But I'm a happy girl. Way to go Astros!

Peanutized

I have always loved the Peanuts. I had several Snoopy and Woodstock stuffed animals as a child. I would patiently wait for A Charlie Brown Christmas and It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown to come on every year. Another favorite of mine was Snoopy, Come Home

So yesterday when this showed up in my Facebook news feed I just had to do it. I think it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. 

18th Anniversary

This past Sunday was our 18th wedding anniversary. And as usual Hubs and I were so busy I haven't had a chance to post about it until now. 

So Happy 18th Anniversary Hubs! I love you more than my luggage, or more than cheesecake, or more than Astros baseball. 

I would not want to take this journey with anyone else. We've been through it all and no matter what you've always been by my side.

I love you. 

 

September 11th

2977, we must never forget. I will never forget.

First Day of School 2015-2015

I can't believe my babies are in 10th grade and 5th grade. Last year of elementary school. And my 10th grader drove to school, with Hubs in car of course. 

And not to disappoint, here is the traditional first day of school picture. 

Oh Father Time can you please slow down! My babies are growing up to fast.

Have I Done Enough?

A new school year is upon us again and I am filled with dread. Yes me.

You see my youngest child, R2, has dyslexia. And each and every school year has been a fight for me to make sure he receives the accommodations the law says he is entitled to.

In the very beginning of his diagnoses I used to walk out of our 504 meetings feeling as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest and feeling as if I had been defeated. After our meetings, I somehow always managed to hold it together walking down the school hallway until I reached my car and then I would turn into a crying mess.

 When R2 began third grade I began to really educate myself about my rights as a parent and my child’s education regarding dyslexia.  I no longer wanted to feel crushed. I wanted the school district to do everything they are required by law to do. I showed up to our first meeting of that year with a 3 inch thick red binder. The look on the 504 coordinators face was one of complete and total shock.  I printed out more laws and information that I’m sure no other parent has even come close too. I spent weeks reading laws and interpretations of those laws. I also learned that a school does not always have your child’s learning as their best interest. It is a business for them, but not for me.

So when she began stating incorrect information regarding dyslexia accommodations, I would open my book find the laws written not only by the Texas Education Agency (TEA) but by the U.S. Department of Education as well. I had done extensive research and I could quote a few of the laws from memory but I wanted hard evidence to show her where her statements were incorrect. As one point during our many meetings she asked me if she could have a copy of the STAAR guidelines provided by the TEA. While I know I could have easily pulled out my copy for her to make one for herself, my reply was short and simple.  “I’m sorry but no you may not, you can find this information by doing a little research on the TEA website, just as I did”.

So here we are at the beginning of a new school year and my anxiety is already in over drive mode. Did I do enough preparation last year that this year will be an easier process. Did I do enough last year that R2 will have everything he needs in place as the school year begins? Did I do enough last year to ensure that his teachers are well informed of his accommodations provided in his 504 letter? Did I do enough that moving forward to Junior High School in the next school year will be an easy transition? (Yes I am already worried about Junior High and it’s a whole year away). Did I do enough that he will make significant progress this year? Did the private tutoring we did over the summer stay with him? Did I do enough?

This thing I call “mama guilt” can and has racked through me with such destruction I am left feeling destroyed. While I know in the overall scheme of things I’m a good mom and I have done everything I could/can to help him, its times like this and throughout the school year I am left feeling overwhelmed thinking I haven’t done enough for him. I haven’t done enough to help him adapt to this learning disability that does not define who he is? I don’t want him to have an advantage, I just want him to have a level playing field.

Have I done enough?